The Way We Were

As I previously mentioned, I've been doing a lot of rummaging through my old belongings. Doing so, I found loads of old pictures and scrapbooks from Junior High and High School. Last week I put up a bunch of these old photos on facebook. I woke up to 42 messages in the morning. They made people smile, they made me smile.

Looking at them made me happy. They made me think of simpler, happy times. Times when life seemed so easy, when small choices like who to ask to a dance or what to wear to school didn't dictate the rest of our lives.

Sometimes, I miss those simple days. I wouldn't trade today for yesterday for anything, but it is nice to reminisce. Yesterday, on a long drive, I popped in an old cd. It happened to be the soundtrack of my life... Meredith Brooks, Coyote Ugly, Westside Connection, Wyclef Jean, Natalie Merchant and so many more tunes evoked the funniest and happiest memories. Window down, hair blowing wild in the warm wind, I sang along, continuously laughing out loud at all of the memories flooding my mind.

I've reconnected with a lot of old friends in just the short month I've been home. People whom I haven't spoken to in ten years, in five years. Friends I've lost or lost touch with, some of whom I never thought I'd speak to again. And time, again, has proved to be a friend. Enough of it has passed that it has healed old wounds, made us brave again, allowed us to open ourselves up again. And like in Junior High School, those things that seemed so big and so bad at the moment, now don't seem as important. We have all grown up, grown wiser, in five short years. We aren't as petty. We value those happy memories a bit more, knowing that they don't come as easily as they did in those blissful days.

I don't know if any of these friendships will ever again be the way they once were. I guess, I wouldn't want them to be. We are all different people now, having gone through so may different experiences while we've been apart. And while those experiences might help or hinder these resurfaced friendships, I'm willing to see where they lead.

People come in and out of your life at certain moments, for reasons we don't always know. We should always hold onto to this. And I'm not saying if someone pisses you off, you should write them off. Yes, sometimes you should fight for the things that are important to you. And fight until you can't fight anymore. But it's important to know when enough is enough. Don't beat it into the ground. Don't clamp down your teeth so tightly, like a puppy dog with a chicken in its jaws, head vigorously shaking back and forth, until its dead. Some things, some relationships, are not to be at that moment in your life. Don't fight them till there's nothing left. Know when to let go. What is that quote... something about letting a bird out of its cage and if its returns to you, its yours, but if it flies away it was never meant to be? I think this is true of relationships of all kind, not just those of a romantic nature.

It's easier as we get older, isn't it? All of these things, I've known, I just never understood fully until now. I'm in the midst of so much understanding.

Time is of the Essence

Time is the longest distance between two places.
~Tennessee Williams

I haven't written very much the past few days. My goal is to do so at least 5 times a week. To take time out to write something, but not just anything. There is still time to spare!

This week has passed in a blink of an eye.

Part of me hopes and prays that time continues to pass as quickly, that June 24th (when Christian arrives) is here tomorrow. And then that time will sit restfully still for the blissful two weeks that I have with my love.

Equally, part of me hopes that the next year passes as quickly. That I am able to do all that I need to do in this year so I am that much closer to be back with the man that I love and the place that is stuck in the core of my heart.

That is a horrible way to live my life, I think. Life and time are invaluable. Why would I want it to pass me by? Why would I want to waste one moment?

Timing is of the essence. Sometimes people, relationships, jobs, opportunity; they knock at the wrong time. What might be right tomorrow, might not be right for you today. Sometimes we need time to learn and grow and allow us to become the person we need to be for these things to work. Equally, sometimes we need to distance ourselves from situations that we are too close to. Up close and magnified, we cannot always see the big picture, but rather small, blurry dots. Time allows us to step back, readjust our way of seeing, and view it in its entirety.

I suppose that I am halfway there. My picture is focused. I am focused. I'm just waiting for a few pieces to fit in. I suppose I am fortunate because I know what it is I want. I've spent a lot of my life not knowing that. Now, it's just putting in my due diligence to get there. I struggle with that, with the meantime.

But, there are so many fun times yet to be had. Catching up, long strolls with friends on the beach, wine, hours of talking and realising how much we've all grown, reminiscing, dinners with family, enjoying the beauty and ease of California. There are many things for me to enjoy here. And whilst the distance of what I want might bring me moments of sadness, the time that I do have with the people that I love here is worth so much. I want to soak it all up.

Yesterday was time well spent walking and talking in the sand and and sun with my dear friend, Laura and going for $2 Tacos at Pancho's. I need more days like those. This is not passing the time, but rather, savouring it.